Happy Halloween!!

I was recently visiting my sister when I noticed that her table lamp was 'grinning' at me in preparation for Halloween!  Spooky!

Hope you have a nice and not too scary Halloween!!!

Attack of the Stompies

 

My grandson is 5. This is a great age.  He has a wonderful imagination but his command of the language isn't always that great.  He is in kindergarten and is learning proper pronunciation but he still gets things wrong.

Last night we were outside walking the dog and my grandson, attired in a cowboy hat, cowboy boots and carrying a broomstick announced that he would protect me from the 'stompies' and shoot them all. I wasn't sure what 'stompies' were but I did appreciate being protected from them.  He aimed his 'gun' at the invisible intruders and shot them all dead so they wouldn't get me or my little dog either.

When we came back inside he proudly announced to his mother that he was the 'stompie' killer and had banished all the 'stompies' from outside. I had to get a translation from my daughter on the 'stompie' thing and was told that he was trying to say 'zombies'. Oh, ok, got it now.

Later in the evening, as we were sitting in the family room watching tv, I heard a scratching noise in the chimney.  I had heard it before a few nights earlier.  My daughter obviously heard it as well as she gave me that look with the funny eyeball thing and told her husband that something was in the chimney.  We were worried that the 'something' might be able to get in to the house which we didn't really want to have happen.  My son in law reluctantly agreed to check on the noise and we anxiously watched as he looked into the chimney.  He didn't see anything so he put the cover back and we resumed watching television.

A bit later we again heard the noise in the chimney and my daughter was again concerned.  I told her that we might have to wake up my grandson and have him come downstairs in case there were 'stompies' in the chimney. 

We never have found out what is making that noise but I will stay alert for 'stompies' just in case.

Booty Panties

I was out shopping today and while passing by the ladies underthings area of the store, noticed a large display of 'specialty' under garments designed to enhance the female form.  Now, I understand push up bras, waist cinchers, torso minimizers and the like, but today I discovered the 'booty panty'.  For those of you unfamiliar with this item, it is like a padded bra for the butt.  WHAT!?!?  Really? Are there women out there who actually think they need a BIGGER butt?  I have spent years, as have a good deal of my friends, worrying that our rear ends are too big.  We have toiled many hard earned hours with Jane Fonda raising our derrieres off the floor and clenching our cheeks (not those on our faces) to try to attain a smaller 'caboose'.    Only to find now that in some twisted, new fangled fad that we should be plumping up our bootys.

I was curious about these things so I stopped to take a look.  These panties look like someone put water balloons into pockets on the back.  I can't imagine wearing these things except maybe when I have to sit for a prolonged time on an uncomfortable seat.  I would worry that being unfamiliar with having a large 'back porch' I would knock things off tables and shelves just walking around.  Some versions of these things are filled with silicone and I really can't imagine having to sit on a big silicone filled seat.  Would one wobble around sitting on a pile of silicone?  List from side to side?  Sounds uncomfortable and weird.

I decided to check into some on-line research and found that there are many manufacturers and sites offering these padded wonders.  Amazingly there were even sites for plus sized women and one for a "do it yourself" padded panty.  Seems everyone is getting into this now.  Who knew?

I only know that I will not be donning these ever.  I am too close to the age where I am afraid that someone might mistake my padded underwear for adult diapers.

'Nuf said.



T. M. I.

WARNING: this post contains adult material which may not be suited for younger readers. Not sure it is appropriate for the older ones either, but I had something to say about "unmentionable" items.  Read at your own risk.

The American people seem to be curious about the intimate details of other people's lives.  Hence, magazines like:  The National Enquirer, Star, People, etc.  and all the ongoing on-line and television "celebrity" stalking shows aka Perez Hilton and Entertainment Tonight.  As far as I am concerned, I do not have a need to know what people are wearing (or not wearing), where they eat, who they associate with and certainly NOT the very intimate details of their lives.  I DO NOT wish to know this information about anyone in fact, including friends and relatives, which brings me to the point of this post.

PLEASE! Folks, I don't care what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom or house, just keep it to yourself (selves).  I don't need to know or share, even in the most innocuous way, any detail of your private life.  I am not a prude or right winged conservative, or particularly easily offended, but I just don't care to share!

As I travel around, I often visit relatives and friends.  These visits are never unannounced, so I would think that people could put certain, ahem, things away.  Sorry if I now sound like the "Church Lady" from the days Dana Carvey was on Saturday Night Live, but really, do you think I need to know that you have use of Preparation H????  Is it so hard to put it away in the medicine cabinet?  Hard to ignore when it is sitting on the bathroom counter.  And I'm not talking your personal, master bathroom--I mean the guest bath!  Or maybe you thought I needed it????   Ucky.

Also, to certain people (and you know who you are) I REALLY didn't need to see that container of, um, er, personal lubricant, sitting on the coffee table.  Really.  There are some images which will jump into your (my) mind, which should never show up there in the first place, are horrifying and hard to shake out in the second place. Not to mention that it didn't make that dinner your served me seem all that appetizing.  No offense.

So let's remember that some things are PERSONAL and let's keep them that way.  Thanks.

Carry on. (just keep it to yourselves)

I'm having a melt down--Part 2

Not sure why I have been chosen to visit relatives when their freezer decides to go into melt down mode, but it has now happened twice in less than six months.  On a recent stay with my folks, the freezer door to the big upright in the basement somehow was not shut all the way and things inside melted.  We discovered it when we went to get something out for dinner.  Well, we could have fed all the homeless people in town with what had defrosted in there.  The freezer was chock full of food including a lot of meat stored on the topmost shelf which dripped blood down onto everything belowand looking like a scene from a horror movie. Yuck.  

Unfortunately, unlike the last meltdown I experienced, most of this food could not be saved.  I wondered how this managed to happen to me twice as we grabbed trash bags and dragged liquid ice cream, bloody meat, thawed frozen veges and all sorts of other things out of the freezer to be thrown out. Things we thought we could save went into a myriad of coolers retrieved from the attic. My dad has a collection up there along with a collection of other stuff he has hoarded and stuffed up there.  What a giant mess!  There were at least 10 bags of really yucky food stuff lying on the floor  and leaking before we were through.  As the thought of dragging leaking bags of melting food through the house was rather unappealing I took them out the back door and dumped them in the wheel barrow for future disposal. 

We had to remove everything from the freezer including all the shelves and wash, dry and reinstall it all.  Then we had to wipe down and dry anything we were saving and put it back. Then clean the floor where the bags had leaked and then clean the coolers and wipe all the blood out of them.  I have now cleaned up enough blood to qualify for a job with CSI.  After five hours of this we finished up and had to get rid of the food.

Oh, did I mention that my folks live in a townhouse?  Getting trash out is a task as it has to be dragged from the back of the house, around the corner and up a steep hill to the front of the house.  I had a wheel barrow filled with bags and bags of icky food.   A really heavy wheel barrow.  With great amount of effort, I managed to trudge and shove it up the hill without turning it over (which it kept trying to do) and get it to the car. Yes, I had to put it in the car because a) there is only one trash can and it wouldn't all fit and, b) trash day was almost a week away.  Fortunately my dad has a van so I loaded all the bags into it.  Unfortunately, there was no place in his development to get rid of it.  I had to drive around looking for a dumpster to dispose of the bags.  I know, you are not supposed to use other people's dumpsters, but really, what was I going to do? I couldn't hang onto those bags for a week--ewwwwww.  So I found a nearby office park --it was after 5:00 and I knew everyone would be gone--and used their dumpster.  Please don't call the police on me!

And, finally, I had to clean the inside of the van where the bags had leaked in there!  Whew! What a day!

In the future, if I am going to come and visit, please be sure your freezer is working correctly and that the door stays shut.  I don't mind helping out, really I don't, but I've about had it with the melt downs.

The Runaway Wheelchair Incident

I have recently been visiting my father. He is a senior citizen. I would call him elderly but he would probably object to that and hit me with his cane.

Upon my arrival here I found out that he had managed to twist his knee and injure the artificial contraption that was implanted in his knee about two years ago when he had partial knee replacement.  Way to go Dad!  Don't think I've ever known anyone who could damage an artificial knee. We are very talented in my family (and not too graceful).

Unfortunately he was in a lot of pain so the day after my arrival I helped take him to the ortho's office where an x-ray confirmed that the plate attached to the upper leg area had indeed come loose.  The doctor explained that the only way to fix it would be to perform surgery and re-connect the plate to the bone.  Hope he has some gorilla glue! Surgery was scheduled and we proceeded to make numerous trips to the lab/doctors/radiation facilities for various pre-op tests and procedures.  Due to the injury my dad has only been able to get around on a walker or with a wheelchair. And while I am no spring chicken myself,  I have been providing assistance in taking him to his appointments as I can put the wheelchair into the trunk of the car and get it back out.  Hey, in life with the seniors the able bodied one rules!

So far I have been doing pretty good driving the chair (well except those few times I hit a wall trying to navigate a tight turn) but today things got, well got away from me.  We had an early morning appointment for more lab work at the hospital.  I parked the car, got the wheelchair out of the trunk and helped my dad into the chair.  I then turned around to close the trunk and when I turned back noticed that my dad had taken off down the slope of the parking lot.  At first I wondered where he was going.  I could see his feet dancing at the front of the chair and I thought that perhaps he had scooted himself along in an effort to move the chair.  Then I realized, with horror, that he was in a runaway chair!  I had forgotten to put the brake on!  Oh, crap, crap, crap!  I took off running after him but did not catch him before he hit the curb. Yikes! Luckily he didn't fly out of the chair and land on the ground.  Whew!  I grabbed the chair, got it turned around and headed in the right direction. And luckily we had a good laugh over it because in my family we have a strange sense of humor. In fact by the time we got to the lobby of the hospital we were laughing so hard we must have looked like a couple of idiots! His surgery is scheduled for tomorrow so, hopefully, I will master this wheelchair driving before I have to wheel him around with a leg full of stitches!

Wish me luck!