Wiki Wacky

It's amazing what you can find when you have unlimited amount of time and a computer.  I recently discovered that there are just a ton of sites inspired by "Wikipedia".  Of course, due to the many recent news broadcasts, we are all probably aware of "Wikileaks", but did you know that there is a whole website devoted to the multitude of Star Wars fans known as "Wookieepedia"? 

Or how about a site devoted to the nerdy fans of the now defunct television show "Lost"?  Yep, you got it there is "Lostpedia".

And speaking of lost, if you happen to get lost there is "Wikimapia" to help you find your way.  If you have trouble figuring out how to do things you can always visit "Wikihow" which in case you don't find what you are looking for there, you can visit "Wikianswers".

Maybe you might want to visit Weeki Wachee Springs, Florida where I went one summer to see the mermaid show. Ok, that might be a stretch but I am getting a Wikiheadache.

Brain Fake Cupcake

I HATE scents that smell like food. There is a very simple explanation for this: my brain cannot differentiate between actual food smells and the scent of candles, oils or other "home" scents. Personally, I think there is a conspiracy between the manufactures of scents and bakeries and coffee shops. They are in cahoots to create these enticing fragrances that make us yearn for the actual thing so we will go out and buy some.  This happened to me just yesterday at someones home where they were burning a scented oil called "Cupcake". I had to have a serious discussion with my brain to ignore the diet breaking scent of freshly baked cupcakes piled high with fluffy frosting.  It went something like this (with my brain sounding much like cookie monster):

Brain:  YUM! I smell freshly baked delicious cupcakes!  YUM!

Me:  No, brain, that is not the smell of cupcakes--it is just a pretend smell of cupcakes.

Brain: NO! It is real cupcakes and I am ordering the mouth to start producing saliva so we can eat some cupcakes.

Me:  No, no, no. We are not going to be eating cupcakes. There are no actual cupcakes here! Stop it~!

Brain:  ME WANT CUPCAKES! ME WANT CUPCAKES NOW!

Me:  Absolutely not. We are not, I repeat, not eating cupcakes!

Brain:  I don't care what you say, I WANT cupcakes.  I will make you get me cupcakes.

Me:  NO! You never listen to me! Every time I say NO to cookies, cupcakes, ice cream -- you insist that we get some. And then when I say we must ride the bike and go to the gym you whine that you don't want to. It isn't fair!!!

Brain:  I am NOT listening to you I don't care what you say. I WANT the cupcakes. Nah, nah, nah, nah--not listening to diet and such. GIVE ME CUPCAKES.

END RESULT: yep, you guessed it---ate delicious cupcakes with wonderful icing. Arrrgggh! I never win.

So, please, if I am coming to visit you, I beg you, don't use scents that make me want to break the diet. It is hard enough as is with a brain that won't listen. Oh, and you probably don't want to use those ones that smell like margaritas or wine or daquiris either because God knows what I might do with those things!

Necklace and Breadbox

This getting older thing really stinks.  Now it seems that I am losing my hearing. Or maybe my ability to multi-task.  I was sitting at the dining table working on the computer with the tv on in the background. Was only partly listening to it as the 'free on demand' movie I had been watching had ended.  You know what it is like when you are only halfway paying attention to something but then you hear something that seems to register but not exactly in the right way?  Well, that's what just happened.  An ad came on for a new movie that could be rented on the cable Pay Per View movies and this is what I heard:

"And it's available at the same time as necklace and breadbox"

I raised my head up from the computer with a confused and quizzical expression thinking "WHAT was that?"
After a second I realized that what the announcer actually had said was: .......same time as Netflix and Red Box.  OMG! Someone get the room ready for me as I am sure I need to go to the home soon!  Good Lord! I am starting to understand my aging parents.

Friends, Memories and Sex and the City

I lost a dear friend this past year. She died before I had a chance to say goodbye.  We were friends for over 30 years and I will truly miss her.  I attended a memorial held by her sons at which they asked everyone to fill out cards with memories of their mother.  We had become friends when we worked together, (there was a gaggle of us, all around the same age and all single mothers) at the same company. One of the other ladies in our group attended the memorial with me and when asked for memories of their mom, we looked at her sons and said "Our lips are sealed".  We were a wild and crazy bunch and there are stories about those years which I will take to my grave.  I did tell them that we were the "Sex and the City" girls long before anyone had thought to write about it. They asked which one their mother was but I declined to answer. It was better for them to remember their mother as the loving, wonderful lady she was.  Besides, I didn't think I could explain why she was the Samantha Jones of our group. Just didn't seem appropriate.

I had lunch with one of the sons recently and he kept pushing for a story.  He knew all the characters involved as we had all been to each other's homes and had babysat for each other when needed.  I finally did tell him one story, and here it is and it's an honest to God true story.

We all worked for a company that managed apartment communities.  A couple of the ladies in our group were chosen to manage a brand new complex and had moved into the apartments and begun working on leasing up the community.  One evening the group of us had gathered together at the rental office in this community for a little get together.  As I recall there were several adult beverages consumed that evening and at one point the new manager exclaimed "Hey, the pool was finished and filled with water today---Let's all go take a swim:".  Of course no one had brought their bathing suit so we decided to go skinny dipping. We shed our clothes and ran out to the pool which was situated immediately behind the rental office. As a brand new apartment complex, there were not many apartments occupied at that time, but there were a few.  Of course we were all laughing and shrieking in the pool and making some noise.  At one point we heard sirens coming into the complex and we all jumped out of the pool and ran back into the office via the back door.  We had quickly thrown our clothes on when there was a knock at the door. It was the police responding to a noise complaint.  They had seen the lights on in the office and thought they might find someone in charge to speak to.  The manager answered the door and explained to the police that we had not heard anything and that they could leave as there was nothing to worry about.  Of course she was explaining this with wet hair dripping all over.  The rest of us hid in the back office and peeked around the door. The officer gave her quite a look but decided that he and his partner could leave.  They left and we all collapsed into a heap of wet hair and giggles.

No one was arrested, well not that night at any rate, and we all went on to have more adventures and get into and out of all kinds of trouble. But, my lips are now sealed, and those stories will not be repeated to protect the innocent, and not quite so innocent.

P.S. Don't ask me which "one" I was. I'll never tell!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to School

As I think I have mentioned, funny things happen to me. For no particular reason.  I guess it runs in the family and sometimes there are even stranger coincidences.

My cousin told me this story when I saw him recently:

Back when Clinton was in office he came to visit the elementary school my children were attending.  It was my day to pick them up and when I arrived at the school it was all on lock down as the President was still there.  I drove around and around and couldn't find a place to park.  Then I remembered that I could drive over to the neighborhood next to the school and park there and walk back to the school. After I parked on the street nearest to the school, I had to walk through a little section of woods to get to the building.  As I was walking through the woods I heard the unmistakable sound of a growling dog. I stopped walking as I didn't want to be attacked by this mean sounding dog and suddenly there appeared several armed men wearing bulletproof vests and looking very official.  They demanded that I accompany them back to their command unit where I had to explain that I was only there to pick up my kids. I had also just come from work and was wearing my usual suit and tie and had my work issued ID on me, but that didn't seem to impress them.  After several calls to confirm that I was who I said I was, they finally let me go, but my family was embarrassed and harassed me about it for days. Needless to say, I did NOT get to meet the President.

And here is my story:

When Clinton was in office I was selling real estate.  One day I received a call from the local high school asking that I come by the school and pick up one of my "For Sale" signs that some of their students had apparently appropriated from one of my listings and decided to place in front of the school.  They also requested that I come to get it right away as the President was visiting the school that day (POTUS seems to have visited a lot of schools back then). My office was about 40 minutes away and by the time I arrived at the school, there were lots of guys hanging around with earplugs in their ears.  They stopped me at the entrance to the school and asked me to explain why I was there. Did I have a child attending the school? No, I explained, I was there to retrieve a "For Sale" sign.  They looked at me like I had totally gone over the edge and I had to explain the whole story of how the school had called me to come and get the sign.  I was escorted to the office by one of the agents who then escorted the school secretary and myself to a closet where they had stashed my sign.  I had to lug it out to my car by myself. And, needless to say, I did NOT get to meet the President (either). 

I guess it is lucky for us that the Secret Service did not connect us as I'm sure we would have been investigated for some kind of conspiracy.

A funny thing happened on the way to dinner

I seem to have things that occur in my life which are always a little wacky.

Here is an example of things that seem to happen only to me:

A few years ago I had a professional, formal, dinner dance to attend. I had purchased an absolutely gorgeous dress along with all the accessories and planned to wow everyone that evening. And I thought that maybe, since he was going to be there, I could show off and rub my ex’s nose in it a little-make him see what he was missing.  I had also recently purchased a vintage, little red convertible and decided to drive it to the event. (I was REALLY planning to impress).  So I decided early that afternoon I would wash and wax the car; get it glowing and lovely.  I went to the auto parts store and purchased all the necessary items to clean and wax the car, including a special bottle of car wax that came in red to match the car. It was supposed to add color and luster to the finish.  Well, I spent hours cleaning and waxing that car.  It really shone when I was done with it; I was proud of the effort.  I went into the house to shower and get ready for the evening when to my surprise and dismay I found that the red car wax had also dyed my hands red.  OH NO!  I scrubbed them with soap and a scrubby:  still red. I scrubbed then with Lava soap. No luck.  I tried mineral spirits.  Now my hands were getting really raw and sore in addition to being red. I think I actually made the red worse as my hands were so irritated that they were turning scarlet. These are times I refer to as my “Lucy” moments as it seems that she and I share a propensity for getting into various ‘jams’.  I started to panic. The only thing I could think to do was to wear gloves.  Now, no one wears formal gloves anymore and I knew I would stand out and not in the way I wanted but I did have an old elbow length pair that had belonged to my mother so I dug them out.  I decided that I would try imitating Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman” and wear the long gloves with my gown.  Luckily the gown I had purchased was red, strapless and satin so not too far from the gown she wore in the film.  I also had images of Blaze Starr in my head and hoped no one would confuse me with a stripper. And I guess it matched my red hands, not that I was planning to show them off to anyone.  I got dressed and donned the gloves, held my head high and attended the dinner. 

I did run afoul of the etiquette rule that one should remove their gloves when eating, but since no one had seen opera length gloves in such a long time I was pretty sure no one would even know that rule existed.

I managed to pull off the event even though I garnered a lot of strange looks and at least one guy wanted to know if I was with the 'entertainment'.  I also ended up being the subject of several conversations for the next few years of the event as other women wondered what I had been thinking with those gloves and whether I was “funny” or trying to set a new fashion trend. I am pretty sure I did not impress anyone in the way I wanted to. Still I got to drive the cute little car!

My hands did eventually return to their normal color. Thankfully.